Borrowing Spoons

Now that you know what the spoon theory is, I can hear you asking how I could possibly borrow spoons... The fastest answer? With interest. I know in the story she says she can borrow and not have that spoon for the next day but because of who I am and what all I need to do I borrow constantly and it builds interest up that I have to give back when I finally crack and just can't anymore.

Though the story is about someone that has Lupus, which I don't have, I find that it is equally true with other chronic illnesses- even the invisible ones.

Everyone knows that one person can't do it all but often it falls on me to try. I have to go to work 5 days a week. If I call out HR comments on it even though I have like 90 hours of leave time, and it can be counted against me on my evals which can impact whether or not I get a raise. I am also a full time student. During spring and fall semesters, I take at least 4 classes on my two non working days. Because of the types of programs I am in, attendance is part of my grade. One class last semester it was 25% of my grade.

Now that seems like a lot on its own, I know. Then there is the chores at home, caring for my children and my husband. Yeah my children should be able to help out but sometimes it's easier to do it myself than to fight for them to help me. My husband has a bad leg that makes it difficult to do things plus he watches our nephew 5 days a week. 

So there it is. The basis of me borrowing spoons. 

I work or go to school, come home, go shopping or make dinner, do laundry or whatever else I need to. I am typically awake for 18 hours of every day. Even then I don't get everything done that I need to. After a while, it builds up and I just can't. Can't what, you ask? Can't anything. My joints get so bad that my whole body hurts whether I am doing something or not.

I am working on breaking some stuff up into more reasonable chunks rather than trying to do everything and to do it all at once. I am also planning to try making life more manageable by way of my diet. I don't think given my family history that it is worth the risk to take medications that are available for my issues so alternative medicine and treatments are what I am trying. I will also be trying to fit exercise into my day even if it's just a few minutes a day.

This will be my blog about the journey and my borrowed spoons.